I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later.

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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Once upon a time, A lonely man was living in the woods. He died of exhaustion, dehydration, starvation, and bacterial infection. The end. Once upon a time, Another lonely man was living in the woods. He built a house, made a well, made a farm, got married, had kids, and had a wonderful life. The end.

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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Why did the horse stop running? His master beat him to death.

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Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

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Q: What did the dog say the cat? A: nothing, because dogs cannot speak, and even if they could, I highly doubt they would speak cat.

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What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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A Jew buys something that is not on sale

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what do you call a black man that killed somebody? a murderer.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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how did harry styles get in one diretion god

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My grandmother's zodiac sign was cancer, and she was killed by a giant crab.

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What did the wife get her husband after he became a paraplegic in a car accident? Divorce papers.

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why did bob fall off the swing Because he got hit by a microwave

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what did the person with yellow teeth and the person with white teeth have in common? they have a nose.

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What's the difference between a hundred dead babies and a porsche? A porsche is a car.

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How does your sister ride a bicycle? My sister does not have any legs.

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Robert had 30 cheeseburgers and he ate 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes.

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

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Why did old Dorris shit herself? Because Margaret fell over.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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