Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken. How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower. What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor? An erection. What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender? Hold on. I'll tell you in a second. What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan. -S

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An american man, chinese man, black man, and a Mexican man walk into a bar. The american man says i want to show you guys a trick, so they go to the empire state building and the american man jumps off the side and comes back up alive. He tells them i will do it one more time, watch closely. So he jumps off and comes back alive. The american guy tells the chinese man to do it. So the chinese guy jumps off and dies. Then the american guy tells the mexican to jumps off, sonhe does it. The mexican man dies and the black guy is told to do it and he is afraid, but still does it, he dies. The american man goes back to the bar and the barkeep says "Superman you can be a real dick when your drunk!"

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What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

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A black man walks into a bar with a lovely parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "hey where did you get that Africa says the parrot...

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

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What do you call the man with no arms and no legs? Jeff. Because that's his ****ing name.

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Hi welcome to yack in da box, can i hell you? Yes, could i have a jumbo jack? Jew wanna yumbo yack? Yes.

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Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. What they don't tell you is every time a mouse trap snaps an angel gets set on fire.

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Come in. Come in who? Your mom

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

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What did the black man say to the Jewish man Nothing, because they were walking on the street and did not know each other

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Q: Why does the chicken cross the road? A: To get hit by a redneck.

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What do friends and potatoes have in common? If you eat them, they will die.

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Why did the boy cross the road? He was visiting his dying grandmother at the hospital.

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Why did the man staple his own scrotum to his left thigh? He didn't. His friends did.

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? The grass was getting to high and needed to be trimmed.

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Why couldn't people tell the difference between the two twins? Because they were indentical.

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What did the black basketball player say to the white basketball player when he lost? Good game.

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What goes up a hill with 4 legs and comes down with 3? A horse, which, upon reaching the top of the hill, has one of its legs chopped off, which is when the horse proceeds down the hill.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Decode this; Hetay owcay aidsay oomay. Answer: ummmmm.... Let me think....ummm, does anybody speak pig latin?

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How do you make a gorilla stop chasing you? You shoot him.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

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Why couldn't the mentally retarded kid hear? It was too dark.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops