Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Why was the black guy being talked to by several policemen? Because he was advertising a new renting deal on an apartment downtown and the two policemen were openly gay and have a right to live together.

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

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Why are AntiJokes so funny? Because your brain analyses them and makes you laugh.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Where did the girl go when a bomb was dropped on her? Everywhere

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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What's black, white and red all over? Half a penguin.

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Woof.

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TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A WOOD

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

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Two nerds walk into a bar. The effects of alcohol do not discriminate based upon the social status of said consumer.

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A man walks into a dairy. Most people will not get this as it is cultural slang and they will think it is referring to dairy products.Oh well. This was going to be a good joke.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cactus and a platypus? A: I was wondering the same thing.

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Why the guy without two hands at the beach was so excited? Because he couldn't scratch his asshole.

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Ey hornboy give es a SCAB

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willam dafoe

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Dani Barton is not that! She is a great girl with a strong heart and feelings. The statement below is a joke, hence why it was published on AntiJokes. This is NOT a joke however.

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Man: Doctor, everything I touch hurts. Doctor: Okay. Let's test it out by first touching your leg. Man: It hurts. Doctor: What about your arm? Man: It hurts as much. Doctor: What about your back? Man: It still hurts. Doctor: I see......your fingers are broken.

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Q: There is an Elf King, King Kong, and Godzilla all on the empire state building. Which one jumps first? A: None, because none of them exist.

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Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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911 jokes are just plane wrong

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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