How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? You wouldn't be able to count them if it were dark.

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how many black people does it take to complete the simplest task such as washing their own hair? A shitload! thats why slavery was so populer back in the day. (and gays were big then to because they had to shower together to remember to wash their hair.)

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Why didn't he finish his

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What do you get a Jewish boy for Christmas? Nothing he died in 1943!

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There are 10 fish, 5 of them drown, how many are left? 10, fish can't drown

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What did the dog say to the human? Nothing really. Dogs technically "speak" through barking.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What's got eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs head.

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What do you call 5 black guys at the bottom of the ocean? scuba divers

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Whats the difference between a person with cancer and breakfast? Breakfast is important

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? That boy that dropped a perfectly good ice cream cone from a road accident involving a bus due to lack of road safety awareness Oh yeah, and I guess the fact that he probably died or was injured for life is pretty bad too

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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One night, a heartbroken magician named Jeff went to a bar. Jeff met a nice girl, and they talked and laughed together for hours. After a while, Jeff asked her, "do you want to see a magic trick?" She ate his wiener.

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Why was the boy crying? His parents were brutally burned to death in a fiery car accident.

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What is the crunchiest part of a Vegetable? It depends if by Vegetable you mean the food or the disabled human incapable of carrying out simple, daily tasks, in which case this joke would be referring to canibalism.

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What did Tyrone Jenkins say when Obama was elected? Nothing. He is not a real person, but merely a hypothetically existent man used only for the portrayal of a lacking punchline.

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A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch!" The bartender says "are you okay?" "Yeah I just stubbed my toe" Then the guy walks it off, and then orders a drink.

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Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

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How do you make a Hispanic man sad? Answer: steal everything he has until he has nothing

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How do you starve a black man? You deny his foodstamps ~Katie&Lena&Shelbey(:

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What is useless and over-payed? Our government.

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What did the old man say when those damn kids stepped on his lawn? Nothing one of those kids killed him around three years back....

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What do you call a dick with blonde hair? Joffrey Baratheon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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