''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to the restroom and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. He goes to the restroom again and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. Guess what happens next? A. He goes to the restroom to urinate B. He buys another drink C. He flirts with a very attractive lady D. Goes home and masturbates

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Why was the Jew sad Because it was Christmas.

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What do you call a something with no limbs? a snake

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why did the car crash? Because the driver was just a box of raisen Brand

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What did one sausage say to the other? Nothing. Sausages don't talk...

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Why was the lady afraid of cooking? Because her husband always beat her with a frying pan

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Knock knock. Who isn't there? Not me. Don't come in. I won't.

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's Well it would depend on what type of cheese it actually is

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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whats the difference between a black guy and pizza? a pizza can feed a family.

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Where does the Queen of England live? England.

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What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

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How do you make a Child cry? Slaughter his dog and feed it to him convincing him its Chili

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What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

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How do you stop a dog from barking? Cut it's head off

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A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

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Q. What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A. An horse.

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what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

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What do you call people in a plane crash? Whatever, i wasn't on the plane.

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Why did the monkey eat the pineapple? IDK, ask Sam D

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What did the woman with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A diagnosis.

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What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Where am I

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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