Q.Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? A. It had contracted a serious illness. He had killed it as an act of mercy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I would, but I see an older version of the kid, that suffered so much pain and agony.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q : WHAT DID THE SMALL SHEEP SAY TO THE BIG SHEEP ? Z : BÆÆÆ

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a white guy a black guy and a hispanic guy walk into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock. Knock Knock Who? Knock Knock (:

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call an Englishman, an Irishman and a Chineseman playing football? 3 friends playing their favourite sport.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is worse than losing your phone charger... Being viciously raped by a group of angry vegans feminist mad at you for eating a burger, while walking out of Hooters.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Damn Nero... So you are saying there is no hope left, the underground society is dead and buried.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A White and a Chinese got in a fight, who won? None. The fight was unable to begin because a color is not a living organism.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Jesus walks into a bar, the bartender shoot the zombie

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's taters, precious? The potato is a starchy, tuberous crop from the perennial Solanum tuberosum of the Solanaceae family.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was Barack Obama wearing a Justin Bieber T-Shirt and slapping you with a pitchfork? Because you didn't listen to me when I told you to stop doing shrooms

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What does a Jedi say when another Jedi farts? A: Who sabered the cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the boy with asthma say to his friend I can't breath

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you tell a bunch of Chinese people apart? Go up to each one and ask them their first and last names. The chances of any of them being the same is quite slim, giving each person their own identity.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops