i have to tell you a knock knock joke. but you have have to start it..

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

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Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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A guy asks, "Why was my mom in your bed?" The other guy replies, "Because your mom has a mental disease which inhibits her ability to process thought."

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When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

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Miscarriages.

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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Why did the Triceratops walk into a grocery store? To buy groceries

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Whats the difference between a baby and my freezer? I don't stick my meat in the freezer!

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how did harry styles get in one diretion god

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Why did the man dig his nose? because everyone digs their nose

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Dementia.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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Why was the family sad? Their house burnt down.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Get in the car.

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Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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A blind 1st grader is doing math. He can't figure out a problem so he asks his mom to help, his mom then ask "Why don't you just count by your fingers?" the little boy then said "MOM! I'm blind I can't see!" his mom replys "then how do you see your homework?" the boys replys "I opened my eyes, now help me"

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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Anne Widdecombe becomes attractive.

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Why do basketball players wear bibs? They don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops