A Muslim on a plane yells out "Hijack!" Jack replies with "Hello" and the two engage in a casual conversation for the duration of the flight.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you kill a fish? You bite off its head.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

The Below statement is an antijoke. The Above statement is a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what did the duck say to the other duck Quack

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q. what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A. nothing you done told her twice already

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Have you heard about the Polish princess? There isn't one. The Polish monarchy was abolished in 1918.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the carrot say to the apple? Sandals

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red Violets are victorious 2 in a chamber Mr pistorius

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Know knock Who's there The fat lady off her medicine ball Call 000

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's clear, glass-like, and makes your brain feel like it's exploding just by smelling it? Crystal Meth

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why was the man a redneck? because he got sunburned at the nascar race.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the little boy with hepititess die? his mther drove him into the river!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because seven "eight" nine. Yeah, I went there.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

thumb_up thumb_down -19

My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you confuse a blonde? Very carefully.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call two black men sitting on the porch? Craig and Smokey

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldnt the car move? It got blown up by a tank.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you. Way do go lazy you didn't read all the you's so you didn't realize there was a yoo in there. But now you realize there aren't any yoo's there way to go.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's in a bag of dead babies? Dead babies and one alive baby eating it's way out.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops