Obama

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Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

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You had 10 bricks on an airplane, you throw one. How many do you now have? 9. How do you get the elephant in the fridge? Open the fridge put the elephant in. How do you get the giraffe in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in. There was an animal meeting, all animals were invited. Which animal was missing? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge. An old woman wants to cross a river that was full of crocodiles. How does she cross without getting eaten? The crocodiles were at the animal meeting, so she got across safely. She dies anyways. What happened? She was hit by the brick.

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My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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which one is easiest

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A mexican and a black were in a cop car. Who was driving it? The Mexican, he was a cop and the black person was his assistant.

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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What is worse than finding your parents dead? You being charged for the crime.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

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What do you call a deer with only one leg? A one legged deer. What do you call a deer with one leg, one eye and lives in Rome? Still a one legged deer.

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A man is driving down the highway. He falls asleep at the wheel due to his case of narcolepsy, and dies in a fiery car crash.

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An Englishman walks into a bar.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

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What did the Joker say to Batman? Why are we wearing these stupid costumes

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Q: Hey, wanna hear a joke? A: Sure! Q: Alright, cool. *leaves*

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where did my tractor go.

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Can i have a Ice Cream Kuhn?

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Q: What's small, round, and looks like a marble? A: A marble.

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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Well, I couldn't understand them... It's hard to pronounce anything clearly when your mouth is full, which is why you don't eat and speak simultaneously.

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Bear walks into bar and says to eagle may I have a................... drink eagle says why the long pause hohahahohahahohaha

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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Yo momma so fat she couldn't even fit in a house

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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What is rainbow-colored, makes no sounds, and smells like a banana? A rainbow-colored banana

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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