Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

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Knock Knock! Who's There! That's right! And now for our next song: "Magic Bus!" One TwoThree Four.....

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The lion swallowed his pride.

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How many blonds douse it take to change a light bulb I dont know it hasn't happened yet

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a blind man drinking from a dog, thinking it was a fountain

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Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

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13 =B you just learned something

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How many christians does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows, by the time they finish unscrewing the burned out light, a hi-jacked plane crashes into them.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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your momma is so stupid shes fricken retarded

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Q.) How do you make a whore blush? A.) Tell her she has pretty eyes.

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an alien is walking down the street he can't breathe our air and quickly suffocates and dies

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants to drink. He orders a beer.

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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Two monkeys are sitting in a tree. One monkey looks to the other monkey and says, "I bet I can jump from this tree to the next tree without falling." The other monkey replies, "I'm sure you could. You're a monkey."

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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