Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? No one knows.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: Fsh

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He has retinopathy of prematurity and was born blind.

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7 chickens ran down the road. One ate a spider. He is now the fattest chicken.

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Q: What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? A: A bus stop

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender served him a beer and said "why the long face?", to which the horse replied "neigh". The bartender was later fired for incompetence and serving beer to a horse.

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Why couldnt hellen keller drive because she was a women

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

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What smells like death and makes kids cry? Dead animal

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How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

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What is brown and sounds like a pickle? Poop

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roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

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two men are standing on a roof. Man #1: do you want me to push you off a roof? Man #2: No.

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What did the Blind man say to the deaf man? Nothing, he doesn't know sign language

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What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

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Q: Why do black people drink Grape Soda? A: Because it queches their thirst, and satisfies them.

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Why was the man whistling? He was calling his friend.

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Why was the man's foot hot? Because it was stuck in a toaster.

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How do you turn that frown upside down? You move many muscles in your face.

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Why did the toddler fall in the pool? He was irresponsibly left unattended outside and tripped on the edge of the pool. He died within two minutes and his parents were blamed for his death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops