why did spiderman fall off the roof ? cause it was wet

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Guess what my Mom and Dad did last Night on the Kitchen Table.... A: Had Dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a man walks into a bar he has a few drinks and announces to his friends that hes driving home, dave (one of his friends) tells him that its a bad idea and takes his keys off of him until the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's green and smells like yellow paint? Green paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I violate everyone that do not thumb me green, and vi0late the children, the parents, and the person of those that thumb me red... Its not about the sex, its about the domination... You might even like it...Your kids? Not so much... Well sometimes... Green thumb me, and I will... Meh, then you are awesome... friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Subscribe below, address tracker activated... LETS GO!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Only steers and queers come from Texas and i dont see any horns on you so what does that mean? It means I am not a Minotaur.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My daughter got a kinder surprise with cool toy today..... i killed her i didnt even want the toy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's long and hard on a black man? Second Grade

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Where did Sarah go when the bomb exploded? A: Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the little boy fall off his bycicle? Prior to this incident, a psychopathetic killer murdered his family. Therefore, to escape the killer, the boy got onto his bycicle in hopes of manuvering away from the threat. Since it was nighttime he did not notice the fault in the asphalt.( No ryhme intendid.) From flipping over his handlebars, he fell unconcious. Upon the killer spotting the boy, he sliced his head off and left the scene to not be spotted by police.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man loses his wife in a car accident He then fall into a deep depression then hangs himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When you wish upon a star... You are only seeing the light of that star, which has taken billions of years to travel here. The star that you are looking at has most likely dead, Just like your dreams.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's the difference between 4 and 6? 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A priest, a rabbi and a proctologist walk into a bar. Why is there a bar lying in the middle of the sidewalk?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

your momma is so fat she has diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did I invite you to my birthday party? No. Then why are you at my birthday party?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the redneck leave his wife? To marry his daughter.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did Bob survive the plane crash? He didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops