If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

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you just read an anti-joke

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What do a fish and a bird have in common? They both live under water. Apart from the bird.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of a tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of a tree? It was cruelly stapled to the first one.

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What do two black guys do when they walk into the convienent store with masks? Buy candy for Trick-or-Treating

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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What's the hardest thing to do while masturbating? Having sex.

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Do you know what God said to Hitler as he approached the gate of heaven? ??????????????????

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How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

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A: Knock Knock B: Who's There? Person B came down with a serious case of amnesia that day and can't remember who anyone is.

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what is worse than losing your phone? having it destroyed because you were texting while driving causing an accident and you are not eligible for and upgrade for another two months.

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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What's the difference between 4 and 6? 2.

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What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

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What is worse than going to school? Nothing.

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I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is a 120 mph car crash

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what is green and smells bad? an orange dolphin that poops out rainbows.

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What did the cannibal eat for breakfast? Waffles.

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Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

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What was black, then white, now dead all over? Michael Jackson.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your car repossessed.

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Yo mamma's so fat, at her last annual checkup her attending physician informed her that if she did not attempt to control her weight gain through a careful moderation of her diet and began exercising on a regular basis, that her obesity would soon manifest itself in a variety of chronic health conditions that would permanently alter her ability to enjoy life and could significantly decrease her lifespan.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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"It smells like Up dog in here." "How do you know what the dog from the movie "Up" smells like? It's computer-animated and not real." "I...I think I have a brain tumor..."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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