What did the smoker say when he coughed? Ohhh dam it's turned into a smokers cough

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How do you get Suzy to get off the swing? Ask her to move.

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what are you mike bibby?

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Why did the Asian ace the test? Because she had worked very diligently, taken copious notses, and studied fervently until she had a thorough mastery of the topic.

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What does a kid with no arms and legs get for christman.... Cancer...

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? Fly halfway across the world when the environment turns hostile.

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Justin beiber..

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Albert your flies undone.

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A skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a mug of beer and a washcloth.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the gut What's worse than that? Getting raped in the hole made by the bullet

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Why did the teenage girl pee on a stick? She and her boyfriend had foolishly engaged in unprotected sex two weeks before, and she was now concerned that she may be pregnant.

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what did the girls scream when they were being stalked? skydragon

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Why did the girl fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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Covert trance, black Ops, and something I kinda made up myself. The first two are basically using suggestions without the victim being aware of it, that is how that famous bank robber that just asks nicely for all the cash and gets it succeeds. The other is tricking the "allmighty" subconcious and again, my own invention people claim its called "this and that", I know, because I coined most of the terms. Anyway, you put people into a deep state of trance, you tell them to take a step forward into the sea, and well, you actually led them down the top of a skyscraper or something fun... "Now... Suck on the lollipop I have between my, okay ill stop"

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Hi i want a cheeseburger and a small fry, said bob. And then, said the guy taking the order. thats all, said bob. And then, said the guy. Ummmm ok well i take small coke, said bob. And then, said that guy. Thats all, said bob. and then, said the guy. whatever i'll take a milkshake, said bob. And then, said that guy. and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Doctor: Yes. Patient: I think I'm a moth! Doctor: You don't need a doctor, you need Mental help. Patient: Yes I know. Doctor: Then why are you here? Patient: The light was on.

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2 men walk into a bar without thier shirts. They get kicked out. 2 women walk into a bar without thier shirts They got beaten almost to death Why? The men dressed up as women, and every hated them so much they beat the almost to death when 2 cops walk into that bar, see the men dressed up as women and they too beat them. Little do they all know that the men disguised as women are really secret goverment agents looking into a drug deal. The drug dealers got away and now we have 2 people sueing the police department and drugs on the street again. Oh yeah I almost forgot: I made this up so if you read it you're going to die withing the next 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years. I gurantee it. If you dont the men in white coats are going to do extremely painful tests on you and you just might die so then no one will care and maybe get onto thier lives again. Why did I right this? It hasnt happened to me so I dont know If you tell me I will give you something more valueble than gold. Want to know what it is? TELL ME FIRST!!!!

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What did the prostitute say to the pimp? Can I have $50? She was found three minutes later beaten to death with a purple cane, and had many imprssions of rings in her skull

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There is a newly wed couple, a biker and his biker lady friends. The newly wed man says to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey". One of the biker chicks looks over. Five minutes later the man says to his wife, "Pass the sugar, sugar". They biker chick looks back at them and then asks the biker man, "Why don't you treat us like that?" " You know your right. Pass the bacon... lovely". And from that day on the bikers lived in peace and harmony.

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What is small, naked and covered in sperm My son

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What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

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how did the man with just a head hide the fact that he murdered someone? im not sure but this seems highly untrue as someone could not kill someone with just their head.

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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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