Q: When do you know you've had to much to drink? A: When the zebra in your belly button starts talking to you

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Yo mums so fat she went on a diet.

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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Q: A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? A:They both take turns, because they are driving across the country and it would be hard for one of them to drive the entire way.

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A 8 year old kid and his dad are having quality time at the park,and relax at a nearby picnic bench after a thrilling game of tag."I love you." says the son. The father about to respond,promptly gets shot by 3 stray military issue assault rifle bullets that came from a heated dispute about a stolen car that got way out of hand. He dies,and the kid ran crying a long distance away. After he gets himself in a dark alley with nobody else around he laughs,and mutters "The plan went perfectly!" He pulls out a detonator and presses it. The White House,Washington Monument,and several nuclear power plants across the continental United States blow up,killing millions of people.The child,also in possession of nuclear bombs, holds the entire world hostage and becomes ruler of the entire planet Earth. Fin.

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Why did the man punch NUGE in the face? Because he got angry that NUGE was being such a BA person and he was jealous of NUGE'S style and he just got dumped by his ugly as poop mom which was eating Anti Chicken.

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Why do hummingbirds hum? They don't realize how annoying it is.

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A black man walks into a bar. No comments were said to him for everyone else was paying attention to their other peers.

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what did the little boy say to his sibling? dat not funny!

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What would you call Shaquille O'Neal if he was on the moon? Shaquille O'Neal, or any nickname you may have for him.

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There were two chippendales in a bar - what were their nicknames? Chip and Dale

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Hail Hitler

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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How come Helen Keller couldn't drive? Because cars were not invented back then.

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What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? Get down.

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How do you know when an Asian has robbed your house? You have informed the police, who in turn searched the house for DNA evidence, eventually leading them to the criminal, who just so happened to be a troubled Asian teenager attempting to join a local gang.

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What do a duck and a tricycle have in common? They both have wheels. Except for the duck.

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, someone keeps shitting in my garden

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What did the guy say when he died? nothing, he was dead

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How do you get a baby to stop crying Cut its head off

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what did god say when we made his first nigga oops i acidenlty burnt it

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I know.

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Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

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Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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