- Anti Joke

what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? .... a broken head.

Guess what? You guessed it.

why did the alien eat the cow? peer pressure

Roses are red Violets are blue I am a cow moo

why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get to chicken to have safe sex

What noise annoys a noisy oyster? Hispanics with their loud car stereos.

Why couldn't the Asian couple have a white baby? Because two Wongs were mixed up in the paperwork so as a result the other Wong family ended up getting the child.

What do you get when you kill justin beiber? A medal..

What's red and weighs a metric ton? An apple, my scale wasn't calibrated

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

Whats black and white and red all over? Genital Warts...

Whats funnier than a barrel full of dead babies? two barrels full of dead babies.

A rooster is sitting on the top of a house. It lays an egg. Which way does it roll? This can be solved by using the dimensions and angles of the roof to find the most probable direction it would roll (Incorporating in the power of gravity of course). Of course if the egg from the roosters uteris came out in an akward or unlikely way, it could roll the other way.This can be factored in very quickly because with the video evidence of the rooster having the egg you can see how it was delivered(the video is not of which way it rolls, just of the delivery).

why did the man get a divorce? Because his wife had an affair.

What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head on into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

Phil sees a hitchhiker wandering past his car on the sidewalk. He asks Phil if he can take him to his house, and Phil says no, and keeps driving. Six seconds later the hitchhiker is crossing the street in search of somebody else, when he is hit by a bus and dies.

-Why didn't a girl cry after she fell down with her bike? -Because a handlebar pinned her lung.

Why'd Mary fall off her bike? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Mary... O.o

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

What starts with Pu and ends with Y, And homosexuals tend not to like them. "Pushy" People.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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