- Anti Joke

cancer isn't that good for you. so try not to get it

An Englishman, A Scotsman, a Welshman, an Australian, An American, A German, A Swede, A Kiwi, An Austrian, A Belgian, A Frenchman, A Chinese Guy, An Indian, A Turk, A Czech, A Canadaian, A Russian, A serbian, A Portuguese, A brazilian, An Argentine and a South African go in to a bar. The Security stops them and says "I'm sorry i can't let you in without a thai"

If anyone has a KIK, put it in the comments.

How can you tell if someone is a global warming alarmist? Their IQ on average is 10 points below normal

How many people buried in a cemetery are dead? All of them.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. The day came again next year and his Dad said "15 years old son! Your growing up rather fast aren't you? Soon you'll be seeing girls, going to parties, turning the Prime Minister's invitation to dinner and instead sneaking out of the house and going to a strip club where all the girls are in a glass cube and you just through food at them and watch them eat it....", his son stared at him. "But what do you want son?". His son ran a hand through his short hair, "Dad, can I have a semi-trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls?" His dad, now rather worried about his obsession asked "Of course but why?" And his son once again replied "I'll tell you when I get them". His dad obliged and bought his son a semi trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls and then asked "Now so, you promised to tell me, why?". His son opened the door to the truck trailer and inspected his produce "...next year dad, next year". His dad paused, shrugged, then walked away. As his son neared his 16th birthday his father again asked him, "son, what'll it be this time?". His son replied "uuuummm, a car?", His dad was about to agree when his son said, "actually no. I would like a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stared at him. This was getting weirder and weirder and more costly. His father then remembered the last time he looked at his bank account he had stopped counting at 10th zero, and so he agreed that for his sons 16th birthday he'd get a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls. They both watched the giant jet land, and his dad asked "why son?" and his son looked at the jet, then down at the ground, then up at his father "next year dad". His dad having gotten used to this response turned and walked back to his limo. On the boys 17th birthday eve his dad loyally asked him "17 son, your nearly a man, what do you want?" His dad didn't flinch when his son replied "....a shipment of Pink Ping Pong balls". His Dad dismissed the cost of such a thing, they were imported that way anyway. As they both stood upon the wharf and watched the enormous tanker dock, smelling the sea breeze and the barge fumes, and father looked at him and his son replied knowingly "when I'm 18 dad". And so a year later it was nearly the boy, well adult's, 18th birthday. His father said to him "okay son, I've done you the honour in buying you your very first car! Actually there's several, I got you a Bugatti Veyron, Lamborghini Reventon, a customised McLaren F1 that can go underwater, a - " "Actually dad", his son interrupted, "I want 10 warehouses full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stopped, "Okay son, for you. But I'm still giving you the cars". The son and his Dad both shook hands on it and sure enough the 18 year old boy had his gigantic series of hanger, full of Pink Ping Pong balls. Roughly 4 months after his 18th birthday, his son was driving one of his cars his father had bought him. After driving at speeds in excess of 350km/h he had skidded out of control, rolled the car and ended up being transported by helicopter to the emergency ward. He was critically injured and lay in his hospital bed, attached to many machines, monitors and medications. His father was right by his side, and when awoke he groggily said to his Dad, "Dad, I'm dying", his Dad replied "NO your NOT son, your stronger, your stronger..". "I ask one thing of you before I die" his son said. His father nodded "anything". "I want....one Pink...Ping Pong ball...". His father looked at him long and hard, " I will get it, but you have to promise me, as you have over all these years, why Pink Ping Pong balls." His son nodded weakly. And so his father left and returned with, as he promised, one Pink Ping Pong ball. He knelt next to his son and gently wakened him, "son, here it is" and he put the ball into his son's hand. "Now son, tell me, why Pink Ping Pong balls?". He son licked his lips and said "Well Dad," and then he died.

What colour are blackberries? Purple.

Why did the Cookie Monster go to the Doctor? Because He had an inoperable tumor in his lower intestinal tract.

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What happens when your school teacher gives you homework over the break? You give your teacher homework too!

What did the rabbi say at the party? Mazel Tov.

Happy Birthday! Your mom is dead!

What did the white guy say when a black man punched him? Ow, i am sueing for assault. that is a crime

knock,knock whos there? teddybear. teddybear who? a teddybear killed your family.

What did the boy say to his father? I don't know. With the seemingly infinite number of topics that two people could discuss and the fact that both the father and son are fictional, it would be unreasonable and border edge mentally unstable for me to assume that you would know what they may or may not be talking about.

Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

Why did the giant try to eat the magical rainbow? A: Because the apocalypse is predicted for the Wednesday after santa gets shot by the evil jolly ice cream man which in secret is cheating on his wife who in turn eats every human baby ever known to man. duhhhhh

whats the difference between an iron and a priest? An iron is a hand-held device which presses clothes and a priest is a person who is authorized to perform the sacred rituals of a religion.

A dead guy walks into a grave.

Why did piglet look down the toilet for pooh? He had a horrible mental illness

What's worse then spilling milk? Instantaneous Human Combustion

four score and seven years ago. . sharks with frickn laser beams attached to their FRICKeN HEADs.

What Do call a dog with an e A doge

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are best friends and go shopping together.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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