A man walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a beer. Bartender says, "That'll be $3.50." Man says,"The joke maker did not explain monetary transactions."

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sally was hit by a bus and lost both arms knock knock who's there? not sally

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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A man walks into a bar. Of chocolate. Yummy!

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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did you know that zach is the coolest person ever? no? well now you know

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What do you call a black man who likes watermelon and fried chicken? Someone who likes good food.

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What's red,little and its in the corner??? --- Strawberry in the corner

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Roses are red,violets are blue, dont read my words, says the ring of lords.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No.. Neither have they.

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Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: "Where's my tractor?"

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what will you have". The man says "Friendship" and bursts out crying. At this point he is making a scene and security will have too be called.

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What does a vegetarian eat? colored penis

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I woke up in bed with someone this morning. ... Hah.

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What has wheels and is green all over? Grass... I was just kidding about the wheels.

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How did the guy feel after his wife died? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine..

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whats the differences between an atari and a xbox 360 i don't know i'm not a video game nerd

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am adopted And so are you

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What did you get for your birthday? I got older

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Why do blind people laugh at this joke? Because they can't read it and everyone else is laughing.

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no im only tryin to keep it real like a broken peice of cheese.

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You have friends

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a stupid chicken wandering around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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