What's the difference between the son of a prostitute and Luke Skywalker? Luke knew who his father was.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Kuo-n7Du0

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An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

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Dwight Howard

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roses are red violets are blue get to close to me ill have to give aids to you!

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What did the retarded guy say to the other retarded guy? Youre Retarded

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Q: What cant you give a black guy? A: Black eye, lips, and a jon

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Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

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Why did David Hasselhoff talk to his car? Because it was KIT from knight Rider and had voice recognition software and so could understand him

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Why was the bully in detention? He punched a fellow classmate.

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Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?" "You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

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In 2030, what will most people be doing for a living? Using food stamps.

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Leo! Leo get over here before i abuse you. Okay, im going to my whip.

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feminists.

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Are you Jamaican? Because your dreadlocked hair is an iconic symbol of one who would be from the country of Jamaica.

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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What do you call a room full of Jews? A gas chamber.

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what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

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knock knock? who's there? a guy..... so the man open's the door and the guy clutching a knife stabs repeatedly at his chest killing him and drags his body down into his cellar locking him away from the open world. by Mad James

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whats worse than walking in to the doctors office and he says you got aids heaps of stuff can be worse but haha you got aids

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John is at the movies, when he drops his cookie on the floor. A passer-bier accidentally steps on it as he's about to pick it up. "Sorry" says his man. "I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles" said Terry. The man then proceeds to murder Terry.

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a black is sexuel but a white nothin without a car.i mean im nothin i dont have a car i mean realy where do you get a car?its awesome but stupid.

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How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

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Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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