Me

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What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies nothing child abuse is not a funny matter.

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A white man applies for a job two weeks later he finds out he lost the job to a hardworking Mexican who went to college and payed his debts

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Knock Knock Go Away

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Whats the same about Jerry Seinfeld and Adam Sandler They are both comedians

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A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

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When the mom came home from work, she was very tired. Her son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She says sure and makes one for him. The boy was very happy and ate his sandwich. I was actually lying above. The mom was actually killed by three men in hoodies that were hiding in her backyard. The came inside and also murdered the boy. Worst of all the killers took all of the food and the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat, Guess it doesn't matter since he is gone...

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Presents

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YOU

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How do you kill Helen Keller? With a gun.

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What did the hooker get for Christmas ? AIDS.

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Friends are like trees, if you deprive them from water they'll die.

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Why did the car stop? It ran out of gas.

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A: Hi I am a Mormon B: I know I'm one of your wifes

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How do you know when you've ritten too many anti-jokes? When you answer your own question as a rhetorical device

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Why did the two children go sledding? Because they liked to sled.

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Why was the homeless man lying on the floor? Because he was dead

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

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Whats bigger than 'burger king'? A. burger

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If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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