Why did the fat Jew cross the road? To go to the bicycle shop to fix his puncture

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What did the red paint say to the blue paint? They said nothing. Paints don't talk and you need to see a doctor if you answered anything else.

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what do u call a kid with autism? a autistic s.o.b or Hennon bart

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Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

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what is the difference between jelly and jam? jelly is smoother where jam has chunks of fruit in it...... and i cant jelly my penis down your throat

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Today, my doctor discovered I had a tumor in my brain the size of a walnut. FML.

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What happens when you try to rescue a cat from a tree? It jumps on your face, falls down, and dies.

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What did the kid say to Santa? Nothing, he was a goat.

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It's like they always say, you get what you pay for. Unless your a woman, then you get what other men pay for.

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I love you

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and an astronaut? One walks on the moon and the other has sex with little boys.

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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So it was 1945, and these two blonds walk into a bar......I forget the rest of the joke, but Japan ended up getting nuked

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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What do you call an Arabic man flying a plane? A Pilot.

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I knocked on my neighbors door to complain about the horrible smell before remembering I killed him the week before, he has no family and no one will ever know.

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Do you feel lucky punk, well do ya? ..Umm i'm sorry :/ I'm not gay!... I'm into chicks...you know?!

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Kindness is like peeing in your pants, Everyone can see the results, but only You can feel the warmth

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Whats more fun that a hooker - her mother

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what is the difference between me and a grown black man.... i went to school

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What do you call a dinosaur when it gets out of a pool? Wet.

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Whats worse than a man who has had a hard day at work, he goes to a bar and gets drunk, he goes home and beats his wife? I his wife was fat and had cancer

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What did the circle say to the square? Ur a square

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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