What did the man with a colostomy bag say after his home was destroyed in a fire? At least all my shit’s in one place.

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A narwhall walks into a store and asks the cashier where he keeps the soap products. The cashier does not speak english.

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WTF THINKING: "If you are going trough hell go back to where the path to hell began just get the fuck out of there you stupid dumbass muddaf0cker" "If you feel life is pushing you five steps back for each one you go forward, just turn your fucking back to your goal and you will get there in no time" "Never ever ever ever ever give up" -Fucking inspiring when you just give up after a certain number of "evers" "IT IS BETTER TO REIGN IN HEAVEN THAN TO SERVE IN HEAVEN!" "I forgot the rest" Nero the ONLY moralman (Fuck Neronism and they copying my shit, I am the only psychopath animal theRAPIST in town! (Female animals only, you think I am a pervert or something? Be ashamed you perverted deviant!)

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What do you call Willy Wonka when he is in Colorado? Willy Colorado.

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Why did little Timmy scrape his knee? He was launched off of an aircraft carrier.

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Yo mama so fat when she dresses in red she looks like clifford the big red dog!

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whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

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Why did the little boy wipe his face with a towel? It was covered with his dog's blood after getting hit by a bus.

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Why did the black guy seem so black next to a white guy? Because he had more melanin in his skin

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AIDS

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

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A Finn, a Swede and A Norwegian went to an island. The Norwegian shot them all.

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Your mom is over the average weight for a person of here height and age.

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knock knock... whos there? NOT BIN LADEN!

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What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

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What did the little boy say to his malignant tumour? "Hello" The tumour did not respond.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy almost unparalleled in marine history.

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How do you scare off a ghost? Tell him your ready for a commitment.

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WTF? If you look at life from the right, you might just see whats left, and just then I looked down at the midget as he said "Yo whats up?" I told him, hey do you like left? He said! DAAAAAMN RIIIIIGHT! I spent a while just standing there wondering what the hell was happening into my life, it was so right it was left and wrong... NeroMetal (No fucking idea what Neronism is, I just play streetfighter V and type books that confuse people)

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How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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What did the rock say to the tree. It didn't say anything, rocks don't talk.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not sally.

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Whats the difference between a jew and firewood? Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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