Once upon of time there was a chicken. It crossed the road and everybody made fun of him. The End

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What did the kid with all F's on his report card get? Beat by his parents

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Why was little Jessica missing?? She was stuck in the freezer.

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How did my grandparents survive the Holocaust? Well for starters, it helps that they weren't Jewish, they didn't live in Europe, and quite frankly, they probably would have supported Hitler because they were right wing pricks.

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what do you call a small midget? a smidget.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs falling skydiving? Jon, because that's his name.

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Patient: Doctor, do I have cancer? Doctor: Yes. Patient: Will I live? Doctor: No. Patient: So what do I do? Doctor: SUCK IT UP!!!

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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What happened to the chicken when it crossed the road? Nothing because the cars that almost hit it swerved off the road.

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A man walks into a bar. His crippling alcoholism is tearing his family apart.

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What will ur wife say when she finds you in bed with a hore-s.

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What do you call a woman on a bike? A dike

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Why weren't the two gays invited to the office party? Because there is no office party until december, therefor no one was invited.

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i tell you whats funny......... what? a fat sudanese man

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What did the hammer say to the screwdriver? You're a tool

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s s is for shit h h is for hit i i is for it t t is turtle

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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Q: Why did the crazy man stare at the orange juice container? A: Because it started talking.

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What do you get when you combine lemons, sugar and water? Lemons, sugar, and water

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WE BE-ETH YON KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't. Her head was stuck in the oven.

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What did the blond say when she got into a car crash? Nothing, she died.

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Once upon a time a homeless man was walking down the street. He stopped suddenly and realized he didn't know how to read. So he walked to the library to find someone to teach him. A woman was sitting at one of the tables so the homeless man walked up to her and asked, "Can you teach me how to read?" The woman stared at the homeless man for a few moments. Then she replied to him saying, "Not until you take a bath." Realizing that he smelled awful and that his face was covered in dirt he nodded towards the woman and left to go find a shower house. The homeless man came upon a hotel and asked the receptionist, "Excuse me sir, may I take a shower here?" The receptionist gave the man a long hard look and said, "Not until you find a better set of clothes." The homeless man looked at himself and saw that his clothes were quite old and worn out so he left the hotel to find a clothing store. He finds a clothing store and asks an employee, "Sir, may I have a new shirt, pants, socks, shoes and a pair of underwear?" The employee quickly said in reply, "Not until you pay for them." The homeless man remembered that he indeed was poor and didn't have a penny to his name. So then he walks out of the store to go find a job and make some money. He happens across a storage facility moving many heavy boxes. He walks up to the supervisor and asks, "Pardon me sir, do you need any help with moving these boxes? If you can pay me a few dollars I will help you." The supervisor said to him, "Sure, start moving them to that unit in the corner there. So the homeless man worked until dusk, made $55 dollars, went back to the clothes store, bought new clothes, waked back to the hotel and took a shower, and finally walked over to the library where the woman was still sitting and learned how to read. He walked out of the library feeling accomplished and full of pride. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention to where he was walking. He slipped on the curb into traffic and was hit by a car, dying on impact.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops