Why are people so quiet at golf game? Because its such a boring sport.

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Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a M.afia boss so they put him in prison.

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Yo mama is so poor I saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing? Her reply was: Kicking a can down the street. What did you think she was doing? Moving?

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

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A dog walks into a bar, followed by his blind owner.

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What is Megan Fox's middle name? Denise

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What do you call someone that blows up a plane? Nothing you were on that plane

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Why did suzy not eat her breakfast? because i stapled her to the table.

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What happened to the alcoholic man that decided to never drink ever again? He died of thirst. Moral: Alcohol was the only available liquid in this twilight zone... Anti anti joke

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Brandon Bass's career average for assists is 0.7 a game. guess what his nickname is bassy

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what did a ginger say to god? nothing gingers dont have souls and therefore cant go to heaven

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Why did the pirate get kicked out of the pirate movie? He killed 7 people while looking for treasure under the seats.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" And the horse says "I have cancer".

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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Wha did the fireman say when he burnt his finger? Shit.

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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What is the difference between Barack Obama and Simba from the Lion King? One is a cartoon character from a beloved Disney classic and the other is the current President of the United States of America.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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The Dark knight rises................. From the place he was before he rose.

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Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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Why did the old man cross the road? Coz he was in an ambulance

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Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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