A man with a broken arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I broke my arm, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What can move people but not rocks.. Poop

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

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how makes licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? depends on how determined you are to find out

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Yo mama's so fat that she pushed you off your computer and you couldnt write anymore "yo Mama" jokes.

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what do you get when you mix a shit zoo and a pitbull......"bull shit" oh this joke sucks well my life is over

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When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much... and after being married for 39 years... They get divorced

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What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? No one laughs at your jokes.

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Why dont blind people go skydiving? Because they dont live when they hit the ground

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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This is an anti-anti-joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go hang himself.

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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What do you call a kid with cancer? screwed

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What is funnier than Miley Cirus getting a Record Album? Justin Bieber's voice.

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What do you call a group of geese? A giggle

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake? Bob

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A bomb went off in japan where did sally go Everywhere

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Three blondes walk into a bar...and have a nice evening, until one of them pulls out a gun and murders everyone at the bar, i think she was schizophrenic or something.

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One Direction has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

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Your mama's so nice, she made me cookies once. And I enjoyed them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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