- Anti Joke

Stop me if you heard this one before.

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Timmy had to use the restroom in class one day, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said'," When I was using 'can', I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier for asking for permission, as opposed to expressing ability. I though since you were a teacher you would know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. The stewardess calls secret service and has the man arrested.

What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

Happy Monday!

Q: If 2+2=Fish, then what does 3+3=? A: 6.

A man walks into a bar and is promptly sent out because he is under the age of 21.

Steve: Ask me if I'm a tree. John: Are you a tree? Steve: No.

what did the asian say to the other asian "where both asian"

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common? They're both 100 percent plastic.

What did tyler say to Jake? My pussy is wet jew

How do you wake up lady GaGa? You po po po poker face!

How do you describe a cranky rapist? Cranky and rapist

Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

What's the difference between a car tyre and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The others a fucking great year!!! San2

Adele Gordon walks into a bar. The bartender says 'Why the long face?' Because she is a horse lol.

Why did the chIcken cross the road? To escape the holocaust.

Why did the car slow down? Becuase the driver pressed the break

Knock knock I thought no one was home so I left... Turns out my grandma hung herself

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

I stabbed a person. No seriously, I just stabbed them. There's no punchline. Just Just Stab wounds.

What's up? Not the Twin Towers.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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