how do you stop a baby from crawling in circles??????? you nail its other hand to the floor

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a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

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What starts with ''F" ends in "uck" and usually means excitement? A Firetruck

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How do you confuse a blonde? Hit her over the head with a baseball bat until she has concussion

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? About 144 licks but everyone gets different answers because we all lick lollipops differently.

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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Whats cold and can't climb trees? Refrigerator

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Clearly the only answer is because he's blind

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Yo mama so fat when she went to the ocean the whales started to sing we are family even though your fatter than me

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not sally

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Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me. I heard you do some pretty nasty things with 9. Sincerely, 7

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What do you call a black guy who walks into your house and takes your stuff. A repoman, pay your taxes next time

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Knock Knock the door's open, come in

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A black man and two Mexican men are all in the same car, who's driving? One of the Mexicans.

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A black man walks into an all white bar. He was escorted out, ten months later he died of a heart attack

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How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

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How did the Mexican get into the United States? He applied for a Visa and was granted authorization to live and work in the United States on a permanent basis.

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What did King Tut say when he got scared? How would I know? It was over a thousand years ago.

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Do you know what's funnier than 24? 25

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Crowded elevator smell different to midget-Confucius say.

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Why can't antelopes fly? Because they can't

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Why are black people good at basketball? While there are many preternaturally gifted black men and women in professional basketball, the notion that one race holds sway over the others in terms of sheer skill and talent is a ridiculous stereotype; propagated, no doubt, by both ignorant and jealous persons of other colors.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Violets are not blue They are Violet

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Micael Jackson enters a bar. Everyone screams, and then someone runs over and pulls the cheap mask off the impersonator's face. Michael Jackson IS DEAD, get over it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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