How do you get a one armed clown out of a tree? Hit it in the face with an axe.

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What's the difference between a Lawyer and a hooker? Job description, income, and an incredibly large list of other things.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey! Got any grapes?" The man then realized he was hallucinating because ducks are unable to speak proper english.

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Whats funnier than a barrel full of dead babies? two barrels full of dead babies.

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I hear Lebron has a new phone. He has it on silent all the time. It's because he doesn't want to disturb anyone around him while they prepare for important games in which he will be an indispensable part of, especially during the 4th quarters of the NBA Finals.

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why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't he got ran over half way.

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What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled

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Q: Why didn't Jane cross the road? A: Because Jane is a figment of my imagination and therefore has neither the physical capability to cross this so called "road" nor the initiatory motivation to do so...

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A woman is hit by a car. Thankfully she manages to survive, but the driver is fined a lot of money for speeding.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? It depends on how many seats there are, but some could double-buckle and stuff like that to fit more if necessary.

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A black man and a white woman walk into a bar and celebrate their interracial marriage anniversary over a couple of drinks and then call a cab to avoid driving while intoxicated

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What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

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why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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whats worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? one baby nailed to ten trees.

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What did the wife get her husband after they had intercourse? A sandwich, because she loved him and knew he was hungry.

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Ya know what's funny? A joke well-told by a professional comedian.

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A Muslim walks into a Bar, He buys everyone a round of drinks and enjoys the rest of his night

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are blind and do not care if it is light or dark in their surroundings.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Q: yugdyijgdripgdghd A: sorry I'm retarted. I don't know wtf I'm doin

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You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

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Why did the black man drown? Because he grew up in a poor neighborhood, where no one had a pool, and so he never learned how to swim

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What's the Chinese guy's favorite color? Blue.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops