You are basically asking if I care for you, care for me, and if this could put us both in risk... There is no picking at this stage, why would I use you?

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j

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I just flew in from Seattle, and boy is their airport difficult to navigate.

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How many turrets patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? Cocksucker!!

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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You know what it means when a priest lays his watch down on a podium? Absolutely nothing

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Yo mama's so fat, I gave her a compliment because we should embrace body acceptance.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever.

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A black guy walks into a basketball court.

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knock knock who's there peedo peedo who scissors

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I drive a 'rarri

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what is the worst thing a bout four black men driving a Cadillac off a cliff? they were my friends

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What's worse than holocaust jokes? The Rwandam Genocide.

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Hey, austin, what are you doing?

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what happens when an Indian walks into a bar? they realize they found there way home

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So a man is in a car smoking weed when he forgets to crack a window so he over doses and dies. The car crashes and he kills 3 other people.

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Why was the man sad? His intestines were imploding and his head was shot off seventeen seconds ago.

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why does beyonce sing to the left? because it has a catchy tune

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what did the postman say to the dog, nothing he doesnt speak dog....... but his mother in law does.

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When life gives you lemonade, give life lemons and it'll be like WTF?!

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hi hi stop! no yes no no stop no grr lol i will get you back not if i fool grrrrrrr BOOM BOOMBOTH:GRRR BOOM BOOM lol lol both:grrrr THE END BY STICK SMOKER

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What do you say to a black guy who is holding a gun to your head? Nothing. He is holding a gun to your head.

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A black man is driving a nice car when he's suddenly pulled over by the police. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" asks the cop. "No officer" replies the black man. "You have a taillight out. However I'm going to just let you off with a warning because you seem like an upstanding citizen. Have a nice day."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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