How many illegal immigrants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Illegal immigrants don't use lights, they'd get caught. Dumbass.

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A teacher tells one of her students, "If I say 'I am beautiful', which tense is that?" The student tells her, "Didn't your mother ever tell you that lying is bad?"

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The 80's called. They need their couch back.

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What? Yes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stapled to a donkey

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Why do birds suddenly appear? Because they can fly

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Some jokes rhyme, But this one doesn't

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies A live one eating its way out!

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Where would you be unlikely to find a polar bear? In a courtroom.

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Why isnt Gemma a Surfboarder? .. Because She was a Stillborn. Why isn't Kate a Ballerina? Because She's paralysed. Why isnt Tommy an Olympic High Jumper? Because He's a dwarf.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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what happened to the man who is standing in the rain? he got wet

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what happened when the sports mascot ate a bean and cheese burrito? he shat inside his costume and got fired.

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"Your invited!" "Invited to what?" "I can't tell but everybody you know." " He he."

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Why do black men like bit butts? Because they can not lie.

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i just pooped that is all!

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and a horrible singer? Nothing.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a telephone booth? Mmm, strange question for my HSC maths exam...

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why are tree's green cause that's how god made it

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Knock knock! Who's there? Wristwatch! Wristwatch who? Orange ya glad I didn't say banana

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I haven't had sex for about 2 years, 10 months, 20 days and 4 minutes. It doesn't bother me though.

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what is the difference between batman and a black guy. bat man is white

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I can count to potato.

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Why did the ceiling fall down? Because there weren't any walls.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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