Mugger: Give me all your money. Victim: No. Mugger: Okay. (Moves on to find his next victim)

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

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Knock knock Who's there? NYPD you are being placed under arrest come out with your hands up.

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How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

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why was the man on the roof? he was about to commit suicide.

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whats worse than worldwarII world war iii

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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you walk into a bar Griffin: 'are you ok'

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why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Why must you question a Chicken's motives to Cross the Road?

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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What did Sally want for Christmas? Nothing, she is Jewish.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

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a kid plays computer games alot and gets carpoltunel in both hands and lives in pain for the rest of his life.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Whats worse than getting shot? Getting shot twice.

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Why was the black guy being talked to by several policemen? Because he was advertising a new renting deal on an apartment downtown and the two policemen were openly gay and have a right to live together.

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Dimes are silver Pennies are brass Why does your face look like an a**

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how do you tell a politician that you hate him? politicians can be female, too.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar and says "Lipstick is the blood of all wounds." The bartender does not know how the kangaroo said this or why.

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Q: What's your dog's name ? A: Dog. Q: What's your cat's name ? A: Cat. Q: What's your dick's name A: Pinky

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What did the girl with two broken legs give her parents for Christmas? Medical bills.

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every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute goes by.

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where do you find a dog with no legs? Korea. It's customary for the guests to get the drumsticks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops