What's the difference between a piano and a goldfish? One's a piano, the other is a goldfish.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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so a moose walks into a super market and asked the lady where can I find the potatoes the lady says isle five so the moose goes to isle five and there aint no potatoes.

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Somebody stole my goat, now I can't enter it in the fair

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knock knock - whos there whos there -"im confused" try it on someone

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The Princess is in another castle

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How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

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what did the astronaut say to the rocket scientist? hi

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what do a blonde and a brunette have in common? They were both red-heads until they walked into great clips.

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother than explains to the daughter the logistics of sex. The daughter seems to comprehend and walk away leaving the mother to cook.

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What did the horse say to the man? The man woke up from his dream so he didn't know either

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

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What do you think when you see an asian woman behind the wheel of a car? She's very attractive.

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What's black and white and read all over? Half a zebra.

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What's black an white and red all over? Two dead babies, one African American and one Caucasian split in half by a chainsaw.

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Does Anti-Joke have a purpose?

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Knock Knock .... Knock Knock .... Pum Pum Pum .... LAPD! open the door!

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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I remember my days you know in the army, agfanifuckingstan, got dirty water, then spent a week shitting... Anyway, I was holding a grenade right? And then two of them came around and I was like "here come good boy! GOOOD BOY! Catch the ball!" And then I pulled the pin and threw it. Aww shut up, you are all like "YOU SOLDIER KILL PUPPIES!" NO THOSE WHERE KIDS! And they would have been like 15 today and been killing your men today! YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME!

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Why do pokemon have hair? because they have no balls

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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what can keep u alive for many years- -not being shot

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Yo mama's so fat that she needs substantially larger clothes than most other people

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A horse walks into a bar. It trips over a barstool, breaks it's leg, and is butchered and turned into canned dog food.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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