how many birds did chuck norris kill with one stone? one.

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Why couldn't jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm random but can still rhyme Hatsune Miku

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Man walks into a bar and goes, "Ouch!"

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Why was little Timmy afraid of his dentist? Because he was 10 foot scorpion.

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What do you call a magic MAAAAAAAAAAAN? A magic man

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and 50 dead babies? Where the hell would you even find 50 dead babies? That would be really disturbing.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? As many as the compacity of the car can hold and how big the jews are

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Why did the jewish family move? Their house burnt down. They lost everything and was tragic

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Why is that man such a perv? I don't know. Ever since I let him see my boobs, he has had this undying obsession with sex. So, I guess that, as society would classify him, he is a sex addict. He will do anything for it, even if he needs a man to get it. I feel terrible about starting his obsession, and plan to take him to therapy next week for the sake of his health.

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A man walk into a bar he buys a few drinks. When he is done the bar tender gives him his check. Man told the bar tender he has no money to pay for it. Bartender says," ok how about this we have a horse in the back that hasn't laughed a day in his life if you can make him laugh you get the drinks for free." so man proceeds to do so. A few minutes later man comes out horse is dying. So the man gets his drink for free. A few days later man comes back with the same deal. So the bartender tells him" that horse hasn't stopped laughing since you went back there. If you can make him stop you get your drinks for free." Man goes in a few minutes later comes out horse is crying. Man man is remarked by how he did it but he doesn't question it. A few days past the man comes back an the horse is still crying...... So the bartender ask the man how he did..... Man says," first I told him I had a bigger dick then him....second time I proved it"

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Why did the man fall of his bike? He wasn't on his bike, i drowned him yesterday.

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One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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If I had a penny for every time I said the word "the" I would have AIDS

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Roses are red Violets are red My lawn is red My fences are red It appears my garden is on fire.

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Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? A: A very unfortunate individual.

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My great grandfather died in a concentration camp. The poor guy fell off the guard tower.

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Q: What cat walks on two feet? A: Garfield Q: What mouse walks on two feet? A: Mickey Mouse Q: What duck walks on two feet? A: Donald Duck? A: No, all ducks you dipshit.

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If Chuck Norris were to roundhouse you. Then something previously happened before the altercation, that caused tension.

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Q; What's the new slogan for the TSA? We handle more junk than EBay.

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How many police officers does it take to secure 3 hooded black men? However many police are on duty.

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What's the difference between men and coca-cola? I don't like coca-cola

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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