Grandma used to say "you only die once." Years later, I learned the wisdom behind those words.

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What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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What's the difference between a duck? A toothbrush, because a car only has four doors!

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. Johnny runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his? hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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what happened to the man who is standing in the rain? he got wet

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What do you call a redneck virgin? A seven year old who can run faster than her brothers.

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Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the man say to the man with no head? You have no head

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There once was a man from Kentuckit, who like to dissapear with his dog and clean up the shit using a plastic bag and put it in the allocated public bin.

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Jew logic fail: Jew: We have endured suffering for thousands of years! Guy: And how old are you again? Jew: eight. Moral: If you see a goddamn moral in this one then post it yourself :P

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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A woman walks into a bar She is raped.

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What do you call an iphone in a puddle? Broken

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Guy: guess what girl: what Guy: nevermind girl: no what Guy: i love you girl:.. i love myself too..

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How many Black People does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Changing a lightbulb is a very simple task.

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kcid gib a evah uoy neht sdrawkcab siht daer nac uoy fi

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what do you get if you cross the mafia and the yakuza? a hefty bounty on your head

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So your driving your brick car and the steering wheel falls off. So how many pancakes does it take to fill your dog house? 12 because hamsters don't wear shoes

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Identical jokes get different amounts of votes

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Two fish walked into a bar. They died. Because fish can't breathe out of water.

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead

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Knock Knock Whose there? The pizza you ordered That's weird, the Pizza I ordered shouldn't be able to talk

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. wow i missed the entire purpose of this.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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