Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

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A guy walks into a restaurant.... He ordered his meal , got desert and left a nice tip based off a percentage of his final bill.

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Three french men are in the car wearing sombreros. They're trying to get to Disney World.

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Why did Alfa Kurtoo change his name? Just say Alfa Kurtoo fast!

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What did the loser say to the winner? Good game

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Roses are red Violets are blue I would love you But you are too ugly and overweight

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What did Adam Sandler get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

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Why didn't the black man make it into heaven? No one did, there is no evidence supporting the existence of an afterlife.

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A lion, a tiger, and a bear walk down the side of the road. This is what I observed last week in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio.

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Q:How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? A:Depends on the volume of said tub.

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What do you call a man with an arrow to the knee? An ambulance because he's got a serious leg injury right there.

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Want to hear a joke? Jerry Sandusky's innocence

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Moon: The sun shines bright like a virgin. He must be high..

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Q: What did Michael Jackson do while he was preparing for his newest world tour? A: He died.

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What's the difference between ice cream and babies? I don't stick babies in my freezer...

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How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family...

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What did Billy say when he met the president? Nice to meat you Mr. President? -Louis

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You know what the Germans have to say about problems? For every problem there is a final solution.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm black give me money

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i tried logging into my ipad. turns out, it was an etch a sketch, and i dont own an ipad. also, im out of vodka.

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What's worst than your computer breaking? Your face

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up? She had no legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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