Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Your dad is so hairy, that he shaves to look more cleanly.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did Woody say to Buzz? A lot. There were three movies.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did Santa say to the prostitute? "Merry Christmas!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the homosexual give in his secret box? important papers from work.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Son: Mommy, Mommy can i have a cookie! Mom:Sure Honey there on the top shelf Son:But mommy i have no arms Mom:No arms, No cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you make a person cross the road? Ask them nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how you throw 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the teacher say to the boy whose dog had just died? Haha, your dog just died.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a woman gives birth at the hospital in china and then the doctor comes in and says doctor- i have good news and bad news for your baby mother-what is it doctor- bad or good mother-bad doctor-the bad news is that the baby is a girl and the good news is that your baby has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats the similarity between a rabbit and a grape? There both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are reb, Violets are dlue, Forgive my spelling, I'm byslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A blue whale walks into a bar. The bartender says "What can I get for you?" The blue whale says "EEEEEEYYYYYYYOOOOHHHHHMMMMMMM"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the trucker say when his hat blew out the window? "**** my hat!" What did the teenager say when the same thing happened to him in his small car? The same thing, except he was a teenager, driving a small car.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What do you call a guy that is smart? A: A SMART Guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do blondes where knickers? to keep their ankles warm

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the fridge say to the watermelon? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why didn't Sally get back up? She had no legs Guess who's getting prosthetic legs for Christmas! Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a little violence in a relationship doesn't hurt anybody

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops