Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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why do prostitutes do what they do? Because they have abusive fathers who always used them as sex slaves as children

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Please don't tell anybody about me, or I will be hunted down, taken from my family, and be objected to a life of cruel exploitation.

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How do you kill a blonde girl? You put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a filled pool.

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Knock knock Who's there? Justin Bieber OH MY GOD REALLY?! No.

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What did the shy guy say at the speech? Nothing

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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What's the one good thing about being a paraplegic? Nothing.

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I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. He promptly corrected my mistake; my excessive vomiting is actually caused by chemo.

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follow @nils_kosmo on twatter hehe

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What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

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Just friends, they too pretend to be you and copy the way you write and express yourself, I told them to stop though, Azure threatened someone here a cultist of sorts I think, that does not exactly put us in a better light with the people that where getting our messages, and yes they are coded, I sincerely had no idea though,

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What do you call a muslim flying an airplane? A pilot.

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Rap. Skate. Smoke.

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Wish me luck these are the ten numbers on my keno 19 65 80 2 34 72 68 22 12 8

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A bear and a furry bunny rabbit were in the woods. The bear ate the rabbit..

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whats brown and half eaten? yeah an easter egg that a parent has given to there son/daughter before dinner

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What do you say if you wake up and see your television floating around at night? Say,"I should probably get to sleep. This is probably an effect of sleep deprivation."

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A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

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A man lying in bed at night rolls over and starts rubbing his wife's back. She says, "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache." Her husband respected her wishes and went to sleep.

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FUCK YOU

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Q: What's funny about a gay man being raped by men for being gay? A: The man's personality

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Nope, I mean you can try, but my phone is busted and the code on the chip my galpal here managed to finally get into the cell, has sixteen digits so damn small that none of us can read it,

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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