You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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25 kids go into the water. shark in the water. 10 come out. Ice cream man deals with the rest of 'em.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? -You can research and find several similarities and differences, but I will not go into detail about them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because I shot him. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? Because his tail was stapled to the other monkey.

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what did the African baby get for his birthday?..... AIDS

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lets go to the beach beach lets go get away story of josh browns life

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So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

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Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great distance she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

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Whats green and fuzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What is your view on school violence? I'm all for it.

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Why was the chipmunk watching TV? Because a new Family Guy was on.

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Man I just flew in from Pittsburgh...Boy are the people ugly.

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Actually, Red Bull helps temporarily restore wakefulness when experiencing fatique or drowsiness.

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What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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a man and a boy walk into a dark scary wood. "gosh I'm spooked" exclaimed the boy. "you think you've got it bad?" said the man "I'm walking out of here alone"

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What does Adolf Hitler hate more than Jews? Nothing.

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A seal walks into a club, It proceeds to maul customers and then makes its way back to the ocean where it lives.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? The 2 nouns in the sentence has been switched.

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Why didn't Clemson accept John Burns' college application? Because John Burns was wanted for five counts of first degree murder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops