This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Three men are travelling in a hot-air balloon, but it starts to go down over an uninhabitable desert. One of the men must sacrifice himself to save the other two by jumping overboard to reduce the weight in the balloon. Nobody is brave enough to volunteer, and they all die painful deaths.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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hey im leon and i love the chuckie

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My grandma once told me " never trust the blacks"

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Little Johnny is sleeping overnight at a school camping trip. The teacher goes around to check tents to make sure everybody is falling asleep fine. Little Johnny, however, says, "Miss, I am scared of the dark. Can I sleep in your tent instead?" The teacher reluctantly agrees, finishes checking around and brings Little Johnny to her tent. "Miss, can I play with your belly button with my finger? My mommy lets me", asks little Johnny. The teacher reluctantly agrees. Suddenly, the teacher jumps up. "THAT WASN'T MY BELLY BUTTON!", she shouts. "Yeah," says Little Johnny. "Well that wasn't my finger, either."

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What happens when you give a Jew an iPhone? He says thank you and gives you a hug.

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Why are asians so good at maths? Because their culture exercises a hard work ethic in order for many of them to achieve high ranking jobs in order to support their families

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what's pink and fluffy? pink fluff

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what is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people and regularly attend a synagogue and pizza is and italian food that many people find to be enjoyable to eat

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why did matt daly want to go to prison? to be fondled

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why did the man get a divorce? Because his wife had an affair.

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Why are all of the cars in the left lane? Because you are in Winona MN.

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An asian man, a black man, and a white man walk into a bar. All three of them order a scotch, coincidentally this is their favorite beverage.

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Why couldn't the man walk? He lost his legs when he stepped on a land mine in Afghanistan.

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Your momma's so fat, people make jokes about her.

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Moral"We all miss someone sometimes during our life, but just remain patient as you aim again, reload and hit that someone!"

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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How many babies can you fit in a bottle? None, a bottle is too small

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wow i bet grass is lucky on st patricks day. why? becuase its green all year. *smacks* ow. i kno. but hey im corn.

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Knock knock. Who's there? A bad joke.

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Why did the man cross the road He didn't, he died after being hit by a car

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A squirrel is about to steal the eggs of a sparrow when the sparrow suddenly says, "Stop! I will do anything if you would spare my eggs!" The squirrel has no capacity to reason and so steals the eggs anyway. The sparrow is devastated.

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so today i took a poop. hehe

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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