old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It didn't, instead it got put in to a McDonald's chicken wrap. Life is funny sometimes, and sceane

An asian man, a black man, and a white man walk into a bar. All three of them order a scotch, coincidentally this is their favorite beverage.

koala's try to hit on teddy bears...... desperate even though we know extinction's comin

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

What is the difference between a goat? It can neither ride a bike.

Why did the white man cross the road? To pay his taxes.

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? rockband

whats 2+2 equal? 4

I wish you were never born. Me too. Then I wouldn't have been raped today.

How many girls does ittake to screw in a lightbulb? Doesnt matter as long as dinner is on the table by 6:00

Q: What's black, blue, and dead? A: My wife after our fight last night.

What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? So YOU'RE the one!

Me and my friend wanted to burn some calories so we found a fat kid and lit him on fire!

What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

What did the kI'd with cancer get for Christmas? A coffin.

What's the worst part about eating a dead baby? It's a tie between the smell, the taste, and the depression associated with whatever decline in humanitsy that has brought you to this point in your life. Overall, it's an outright terrible situation.

Q. What's a pirate's favorite type of movie? A. It depends on the individual pirate, although most modern-day pirates are from third world countries like Somalia and so are too poor to be able to watch many movies. Classical pirates like those depicted in Treasure Island or Pirates of the Carribean are, of course, from a period of history before movies had been invented, so couldn't possibly have had a favorite.

Q: What do you call a man with no arms, legs, and an eyepatch A: Names

Its a long story, I got two balance nerves, I technically got four ear drums (relax you cant see it nor anything,neither can doctors without weird unpleasant stuff), I got about twice the number of synapses as regular people, and well, that makes me pretty damn good at some things, and a total retard at others.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

Sorry Liz, his sodium levels are so bad that while he is drinking a lot, his body is not containing water, and while his pulse and breath is fine he is passing out from time to time, he is asking for stimulants Ritalin specifically, but I am not sure if his body could withstand that, I really don't mind to pry, but does he use Ritalin? I mean he chats a lot, but ADHD? I am just asking out of health concerns, not that I am a doctor, but I just worry... Flirty personality... More like a clown, he says he refuses to eat unless I breastfeed him XD. He is eating now though, solids work, never had a tougher patient, he will make it for sure.

Picture This, you are going down the freeway in a yellow four-door banana, going 75 mph and all 4 tires blow out, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Theres no bones in ice cream.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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