What's brown and slimy? brown slime

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Why wasn't the woman happy when she gave birth? Because she was thrown into a pool of semen 9 months ago.

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what did the man do when he fell off the top of a building? Nothing He DIED!!!!!!

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Why was the little boy nervous about playing with the little girl? Because she had gonorrhea.

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Remember when the new jokes on this sight actually used to be funny?

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Girl: How do I know if I'm Jewish? Guy: Are you Jewish? Girl: No. Guy: There ya go.

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What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

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When life throws lemons at you, just give up and commit suicide!

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Once upon a time, a handsome prince met a beautiful princess. They both fell in love with each other. They then got married and lived happily ever after.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Women's rights

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why did Jen fall off the swing? because she had no arms. knock knock who's there not Jen

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Those last 4 were by: Walter

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He saw a bottle of Faygo on the other side.

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What's funnier than seeing a baby falling from the empire state building? Stopping his speed with a shovel

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? I've often heard that a room with a million monkeys with a million typewriters, given enough time; would eventually reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare. This seems to suggest that if something has an extremely low chance of happening, it will still eventually happen if enough attempts are made. However, I feel that the aforementioned scenario, given enough time to play out, would only result in a room full of dead monkeys. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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when there's trouble lurking in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? The local authorities.

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What is a Zebra? Zebras (/?z?br?/ zeb-r? or /?zi?br?/ zee-br?)[1] are several species of African equids (horse family) united by their distinctive black and white stripes. Their stripes come in different patterns, unique to each individual. They are generally social animals that live in small harems to large herds. Unlike their closest relatives, horses and donkeys, zebras have never been truly domesticated.

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Why did the chicken kross the road? It didn't because it was a highway and it got hit by a bus.

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Im batman...suck it losers

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Why did FiddleBob Joe chuck a stick of butter out the window? Because he wanted to see a butter fly

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How many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? I don't know considering it was never done before, and that the size of the pancake would have to be taken into account. Although I would suggest you use a better material like wood, plastic, or metal.

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I went to the bookstore to buy me a Where's Waldo book. I looked through the store and couldn't find it anywhere.... Well played waldo, well played.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops