What do you call 20 Investment Bankers buried to their necks in sand? A team building exercise at the beach sponsored by an Investment Bank.

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Knock knock Who's there? Hi would you be interested in learning about Scientology? No

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What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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Hello, this is Chuck Norris speaking.

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. What do you call a man who gets a check in the mail every month for doing nothing? A black man

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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What did Johnny do this wednesday? He went to school to be academically taught to get a high GPA of all the other children so he could go and pursuit his dream so he won't be left at home with a drunk wife and 6 kids with $190,000 in debt from the IRS

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What do the Jewish man, the Black man, and Mexican man all have in common? They all miraculously like cantalope.

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What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.

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Pants and God shorts: God: Jews ur my people nao! Jews: Yay we are Gods chosen people! Riches and gRape awaits us! World domination next! God: Well, not quite what I meant but, err... Close enough? Jews: YAY! Moral: So much for "the chosen ones" :(

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No?

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Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Knock knock who? Knock knock

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How did Mario finally defeat Bowser? He took Steriods

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Did you hear about the man with 3 balls? He liked tennis

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Some say Helen Keller can't write a good book. You know what she said? Nothing.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I..

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Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

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My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

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What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

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Why was the boy late for class? He was late because he got stabbed and left in the bathroom.

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roses are red hula is hula when i walk in cass i see a big tula

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Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey along came her food allergies and she died

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What did the serial killer do when his check bounced? He promptly deposited more money into his account.

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Jingle bells, jingle bells SHIT MY FOOT

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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