All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock! Who's there? Wristwatch! Wristwatch who? Orange ya glad I didn't say banana

thumb_up thumb_down +7

your mamma so fat... she went to hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Where did Jonathon go after he died? - Burger King, he died from diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Jerry: Why arent you talking to me Seth? Seth then explains using sign language that he was born mute and is offended that Jerry keeps forgetting. Then Jerry uses sign language to say" **** off i have alzheimers!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was Ethan talking to the potato? Because he is stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the differance between a blond and a rock? I don't know. I can't think of any.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I went to the doctor & he gave only 6 months to live. I told him I couldn't pay my bill, he said "that doesn't change the fact you're going to die soon."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms.. Q: Why didn't she have any arms? A: 50. Cal... Q: Wait where'd she go? A: I don't know there's a helicopter in my scop- wait what the f**k is going on?.... TO: CoD 4 Players -Ap

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than the common cold? The Plague.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend? My girlfriend is alive and 19 years older.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There are two cows standing in a wide, green field eating hay. The first cow says: "Moo". The second cows says: "Thats funny, I was about to say that."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red violets are blue I have altimers cheese on toast Srry bout the spelling. I couldn't REMEMBER!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the little boy get from his visit to Penn State? Raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A girl accidentally clicks on an advertisement while on anti-jokes.com, the girl silently curses and quickly presses the back button.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

thumb_up thumb_down +7

An elderly man farts during Sunday morning mass. The children around him laugh and then their parents remind them to be respectful.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Morning wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a monkey? a monkey

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops