What's worse than getting bit by a spider? getting bit by two spiders What's worse than getting bit by two spiders? getting raped What's worse than getting raped? a butterfly landing on you

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:)I will always assist you in whatever you ever want. :(I want to kill you!

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If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

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One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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"Roses are red, violets are blue," she explained to the color blind child, who was unable to understand the concept of color.

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what do you call a prostitute with AIDS? Most likely her first name, unless of course you know her and it is normal for you to refer to her by a nickname or some shorter version of her proper first name.

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whats worse than a pile of dead babies? two piles of dead babies.

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How do you know when a bag of chips is stale? It is past the expiration date.

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A bar walks into a man... Wait, that's impossible.

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a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

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Did you hear the one about the chicken crossing the road? It wanted to go to the other side.

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these are shit

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how big is a black mans penis? idk ask his wife

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Why are blondes so dumb? They aren't dumb they just have prejudice against them

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Why isn't Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore? Because he doesn't have a helicopter and he's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken can only be speculated.

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You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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Knock knock! Who's there? ADHD ADHD wh-? SQUIRREL!

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A black man and a white man were in a fight. Who won? I don't know. It was pay-per view and I didn't buy it.

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red corvette? i don't have a red corvette in my garage

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Once upon a time there was a cowboy. He died. The end.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops