Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

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You know you're drunk when you've spend a significant amount of time consuming alcohol.

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

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What do you call two mexicans playing basketball? Friends

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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Why did the chicken cross the road---- because he's having financial and relationship related problems that make his life so hideously unbearable that he wants to kill himself and because he's a chicken and cannot overdose or hang himself he goes for the most viable option as to run across a busy street in hopes of getting smashed to oblivion by a car

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Two Naked men jump off a cliff. Three months later, an entire pack of Cub Scouts were enrolled in group therapy. It's ongoing.

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There are 2 carrots sitting in a basket. One carrot says to the other; I'm a carrot! The other carrot does not reply, because carrots do not speak. Now consider the possibility, that the first carrot was a talking monkey.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are simple-minded creatures and perhaps there was some source of food on the other side.

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"MR PLATT!!!!!!" "Yeah?" "Telephone for you sir." "Oh, cheers Tony."

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I was gonna smack jakes titties...but michael was already doing it....:/

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What do you call 4 Mexicans getting into a car late at night? 3rd Shift carpooling

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Q. How do you stop a clown from smiling? A. You hit it in the face with an axe.

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why did the man get ran over by a turtle? he crossed the STREET

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whats the hardest part about eating a vegitable getting your mouth around the wheelchair.

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What do you call a pool filled with black people? A pool

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whoes considered the best trackstar in the world. the random jamacan who ran onto the field.

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You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid being killed in the slaughter house.

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What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.

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Billy wanted a toy for Christmas. Sadly, Billy died before Christmas.

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Who you gonna call? Gobstoppers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops