Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally!

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A man went to the doctor, complaining about not feeling well after dancing the night before. The doctor quickly rushed to the surgeon to get ready for the liver transplant that had to take place.

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I didn't know that guy did crossfit

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Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

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Whats better than having 5 dollars? Having 5 dollars and a pizza

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So, would you like provolone or mozzarella with that? Yes.

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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Why does girls have two left feet and two left hands? Because girls have no rights.

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What is the difference between a duck and a cow? One is an aquatic fowl and the other is a farmland mammal.

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Hey I just met you and this is crazy, I am pregnant and that's yo baby !

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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Why didn't the busy San Francisco business man hear his alarm clock ring this morning? A nuclear bomb blast occurred 700 meters from his front door. The estimated blast radius was approximately 100 square miles. Naturally, his alarm clock didn't make it.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms.

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A priest was driving a motorcycle and was doing these amazing crazy stunts. It turns out they were actually filming a movie.

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what do you do when you see a injured black man screaming in pain rolling on the ground assist him or call 911 depending how severe the injury is

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Go home, look for the ingredients on which to make proper, delicious lemonade. Afterward, I would go in the front yard, make a stand, then make a sign that says $1.00 lemonade. Then you know make millions on your master-mind plan that no one else ever thought of.

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I like my women like I like my coffee, a brewed beverage prepared from the roasted seeds of an evergreen shrub of the genus Coffea.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? No one answers so the man opens the door and gets stabbed 7 times in the chest

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Why did the Iraqi airline crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A jew, a catholic and a muslim walk into a bar. The catholic man dies of a massive heart attack and the other two men mourn their friend for weeks.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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How do you have problems paying your monthly mortgage if you live in a box emmanuel

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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