My uncle said to me that life is like a box of chocolates But I'm lactose intolerant

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whats the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari. I don't have a ferrari in my garage

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a white van was driving really slow and he stopped in front 3 children. "do you want some candy" the old man said. the kids took the candy and the old man drove away happily, knowing he made someones day.

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Black guy something something. Anti-racist punchline.

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Why did billy fall off the sea-saw Because he got kicked in the throat

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Why did Bob the Builder die? He had cancer.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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One day in Africa there was a family of Americans touring an African village. They were a happily married couple with a four year old son. This day however was a very sad day because a group of elephants came trampling through the village. The couple left there kids inside and went to help control the elephants. however the elephants killed them all with their feet. Now the little boy wandered outside because after all he was just a little boy. He was about to be killed when a baby elephant calmed down his mom, so he saved his life. The baby elephant then took the little boy back to the airport by which the married couple came because elephants are very smart. The boy didnt want to leave his new found friend the baby elephant but the little boy was then sent back and lived with his Uncle. When he was older, he had a child of his own, a little boy. One day he decided to take his son to a circus, that was from Africa. He didnt realize there would be elephants there. This day the elephants got spooked by a mice and started to stomp all around. Then the man realized his son was missing. He looked down to find his son about to be stomped on by this old elephant. Just as the elephant was about to stomp he and the man made eye contact. The man thought noticed the look in that elephants eyes, like he reconized them. He thought mabye, just mabye it was the same elephant he was saved by. Turns out it wasn't and the elephant killed his son.

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Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side of his body? He has been taken to hospital and is in a critical state where his right side of his body can not be joined together. This is life threatning and he is now not able to walk

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Why is The stop sign bent? Because a ambulance full of sick kids hit it.

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Roses are red pineapple is yellow I'll shove your head up my ass so you can eat some marshmallows!

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

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Q: If it takes a chicken a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, then how long would it take a monkey to kick the seeds off of a dill pickle. A: I don't know. That's a stupid question.

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1234567890? ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No. Oh don't worry then.

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how do you confuse a blond? put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner

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What does an Irishman say to you in the morning? Nothing because you only speak French.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

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What did the Nazi solider receive on his birthday? A bayonet up his ass.

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a man walked into a bar because he needed a part time job to support his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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