Q: What kind of punch do vampires drink ? A: None... It's really blood, you should know that by now.

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What's the difference between a baby and an onion? One is a vegetable and the other is a human being.

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Q: How do you confuse more than 80% of the population? A: Mushrooms.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? No, but considering there has not been a single man to walk on the moon since 1972, it'd be difficult to generate any kind of revenue on this natural satellite.

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Why did the boy fall down the stairs? Because he tripped.

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What hurts more than a papercut? A chainsaw between your legs.

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What do you call a man with an Eye patch and no arms? Names.

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I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

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A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

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Why was the girl blind, and deaf? it was hellen keller

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Why did the bird fall down? It got shot.

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What do you call a Jew A Jew

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Is your refrigerator running? yeah oh...just wondering.

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Buzi vagy!

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- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

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What did George Washington say before he crossed the Delaware? "Get in the boat."

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Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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Whats worse than finding an worm in your apple? 1942 BERLIN

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is.." "'Well judging by the fact that there's no actual door in between us I'm pretty sure you can decide who it is' who?"

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's white and sticky? A stick painted white.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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