A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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A man decided to commit suicide. He did.

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wHY DIDN'T THE HORSE FINISH COLLEGE? HIS GRANT RAN OUT AN HE COULDN'T GET ANOTHER STUDENT LOAN.

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Why can't so many guys get it up? Because erectile dysfunction affects 30 million men nationwide.

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OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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how do you get blondes to drown? stick a mirror to the bottom of the pool

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Why did the man walk into the grocery store? Because he had run out of peanut butter

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What do we call the science of classifying living things? Racism

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What goes 100 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

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A mormon walked into a bar and realised it was a bar the he leaves

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What does a homeless man get for his birthday? 25 cents

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What would a man say if you urinated all over his legs? WHAT THE DEUCE?

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill....Just kidding, it was only Jill. Jack had no legs

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Yo momma so ugly that she is unpleasant to look at

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender. How do you get them out? Well you shouldn't. Leave the car in front of somebody that you hate's house.

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A black student graduated High School

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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A drunk guy walks into a bar. He orders a beer and the bartender says "Hey pal, you look and act really drunk, I don't think I can serve you any more alcohol." The man looks up to the bartender and says "You're right, I'm really drunk."

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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