- Anti Joke

what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

21 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

what makes a knight in shining armor a knight in shining armor? he has to have armor and be a knight.

A seal walks into a club... the seals freinds later inform him they are now at a bar the seal then walks into the bar... the seal was later beaten to death

Is it true that curiousity killed the cat? No, I hit it multiple times with a baseball bat

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

What do you call love at first sight? A broken heart.

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

I'm hungry.

Knock knock Who's there? Be Be who? Be yourself

What's the difference in a red sports car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a red sports car in my garage.

Roses are Red, violets are blue,love can not tell how much I love you!!

Guess what? Bananas

How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

What do you call an elephant on the moon? Dead.

What do you call a dinosaur that doesn't lay eggs? A male dinosaur

What's worse then falling off a buliding? Falling of a higher building.

What happens when Helen Keller plays badminton? She doesn't win because she threw out her back playing Ultimate Frisbee the weekend prior.

Replacement Referees

If all ziggles are zaggles and all zaggles are zumbles, then why is your mother a whore?

A Pakistani news reader.

Knock Knock . . . I'm coming in!

Roses are red Violets are blue i suck at poems nice titz

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? The tea he was drinking was at an unsuitable temperature for consumption resulting in the scalding of his mouth.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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