Q: A squirrel a chipmunk and a spider monkey are fighting over these nuts. Who gets them? A: Your Mom ;p

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smell the vitamin C

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What does Santa and a grape have in common? They're both purple, except Santa.

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What does a baby and a bowling ball share in common? They both displace a similar amount of water.

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Q: What did Nala say to Simba during the stampede? A: Nothing. She was nowhere to be found during that scene.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

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What's worse then getting kicked in the face by Chuck Norris? A: Nothing

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An asian man walks into a taxi. The driver asked which chinese or electronic store woupd u like to go to?

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On a tusday night, three guys walk into a bar After realising they have to work they proceed to exit

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John: Spell IT Mike: Q-U-A-D-R-A-M-E-C-H-A-N-I-C-S

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What's the difference between a black guy and a bucket of chicken? A lot.

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How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

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A raccoon walks into a bar. He then proceded to bite 3 people before animal control got him. A black man, hispanic man and an asian man. Later they all walked to the hospital and were treated for rabies, they were all fine as rabies is normally not fatal when caught early. Moral- this story is racist cause the white man was completely unharmed, DONT DISCRIMINATE!

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a man walks out of a gas station and sees an indian with his ear to the road. He walks up to him and the indian says "truck... ford truck... large man in front with flannel shirt and trucker cap... german sheperd in passenger seat... licence plate 4563u6." Amazed the other man says " wow, you can tell all of that just by listening to the road?" The indian says "no thats a the truck that ran over me five minuites ago"

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What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

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A man and his friend are talking. The man says, "You know what's funny? Sometimes you mean to say one thing and you say a completely different thing. Like the other day I wanted to buy a ticket to pittsburgh, but the lady I was buying it from had very large breasts, so I accidentally said 'Can I have a picket to titsburgh?'" And the other guy says, "Yeah, man, it's really funny you say that, the other day I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and I said 'you whore, you ruined my life'"

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What's worse then your pets death? I don't know I asked you.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks why the long face? the horse, incapable of understanding any human dialect, promptly shits on the floor and leaves

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What's the difference between a chicken and a 3 legged dog? There are numerous differences. I will not however go into the biological explanations of these differences.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Who shit in my garden

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You: That was awful. Me: You know what else is awful? You: What? Me: This joke.

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Uh Oh you just fell, So, So I've got one thing to say to you, And what's that Don't fall it gets you down!!!!!!!!

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A man is sitting at a bar. He stands up and goes over to these bikers playing pool. He then walks over to the bartender and says "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can pee in that bottle over there." The bartender looks at the bottle and sees there is a good five meters between the two. The bartender then agrees. The man takes out his penis and begins to pee. His pee stream goes everywhere on the bar, on the cash register, and espicially on the laughing bartender. It goes everywhere except inside the bottle. The man finishes and zips his pants. He then smiles at the bartender while handing him three hundred dollars. The bartender asks "why are you laughing you lost three hundred dollars?" Which the man replies "See those bikers by the pool table laughing?...I bet them five hundred dollars each that I could pee on your bar, on your cash register, and on your face and you would laugh and be happy." The bartender then reached under his bar and toke out his bat. He then continued to break the mans knees and then perceeded to pee on his bruised and battered face.

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What does a homeless man get for Valentines Day? Divorce papers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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